Since the New Year I've taken a sabbatical from making art. It wasn’t fulfilling. The art that I chose to create wasn't expressing loud how I was feeling. It was aggravating to create. I needed an active form of art, so I put sculpture on hold and took up martial arts.
About six months later, I tweaked my back and neck from repairing one of my installations. I hurt it from taking down this curtain made from 950 bouncy balls. It was the straw that broke the camels back.This caused a wave of change. Something snapped and I decided that finally I was done being afraid. I’m over having fear keep me from joy.
First I caught a one-way ticket Colorado to see an incredible chiropractor and acupuncturist. Serendipity helped me catch the flight since how I had 10 minutes to pack and zero time to get held up at security. That was the first time traveling by myself that I wasn’t stopped by security.
Then on the way to the airport I quit my job at a picture framing shop. The job wasn’t fulfilling. I want to assist visual artists create and show their art. Over the past five years, I’ve done that part-time, but fear of not getting enough consistent work has held me back from pursing it. I’m over that fear too. I’m going for it!
After a week spent healing in the peaceful Colorado plains, I flew back to the San Francisco Bay Area feeling much stronger and happier. On the first day back, I ran out of my comfort zone and talked myself up to local artists. I actually enjoyed networking! I can fit the need for an organized and reliable assistant, just meeting so many talented artists made me eager to help them reach their goals.
It’s been 23 days since I’ve tweaked my back. I believe the pain stayed so long because I needed to sort out some emotional issues. I tested this out last night by facing another huge fear; a fear of rejection. I made a phone call to a voice I hadn’t heard in nine years. I didn’t die from the experience. We talked for an hour and even had some laughs.
Now I am balancing my time between personal assisting jobs, making art for me and for commissions and taking better care of myself. It’s been such a huge month that I keep reminding myself to treat myself gently.
“Out of my comfort zone and LOVING it!”